Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Thinking

It feels a little surreal now, the trip being over, with all the the worries I had before going, in terms of whether the leg would behave, if the others would notice, insurance in case something happened etc. It was a sort of study trip arranged and paid for by a posh organisation (nothing religious or anything). When interviewed for the program I was asked if I had any illnesses, and before I knew it I had said no, because I don't feel ill, and I don't see the Lymphedema as an illness as such, though it is. I worried that if something happened with the leg and I had to go hospital that "the suits" who selected me would be angry and send me home or make me pay all the money back. I thought about confessing just to have my concience 100% clear prior to departure, but decided against it. Afterall, my doctor had signed my paper about me being able to attend and I carefully checked that my travelinsurance would cover, should something happen.
I needn't have worried because everything went smoothly, nothing happened. I almost can't believe that the trip came and went, now it is all over and nothing bad happened and no one discovered anything. Not even the girl I often shared hotelrooms with. I wish I could have just told her, said "these are the facts, I too think this darn compression stocking is as ugly as hell and I hate wearing it, but I have to!". I think that even though she would probably feel symphathy for me she would also be disgusted, secretly. She is very sporty and very chic too. I don't think she would be able to relate to it.
Perhaps someday, under the right conditions, I will be able to share a room, telling the roomie about it, not having to hide. How much easier it would be, I tell you I had to be creative sometimes on the trip!
I loved being in Stockholm with my good friend last summer. She knows about the Lymphedema, and I could do what I had to do without feeling embarrassed. Hopefully we will make a trip together somewhere this year too. She is so good. So compassionate and understanding, unlike most others (when it comes to understanding).

I am listening to this song, I have loved it for years, but only recently did I get my hands on it. I don't think the lyrics make much sense, but the music, the way he sings it and the individual sentences grab me. Also the video with the before-and-after pictures and the stories they tell.

1 comment:

  1. Hi E,
    That song is about Broughton High School in Raleigh North Carolina. My husband is in it; one of the before and after pictures.
    I'm glad your trip turned out so well and I think you are very brave and I admire you. I tell everyone about my lymphedema; mostly no one understands it and forget about it quickly. Not one person has reacted in a negative way. Everyone has their secret sorrows, don't you think? You may be surprised by the compassion expressed by the ones you least expect compassion from.
    W

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