Sunday, 15 August 2010
It must be around this time last year that I, after diagnosis and treatment, got my first compression stocking. Imagine that a year has passed... I have of course worn the stocking every day since, but it is as if it is only the last six months or so that it has really hit me. I think much more about it now, I worry and feel sad. Perhaps because of the season. When I started it was no longer time for sandals etc. anyway and therefore natural to wear long pants and closed shoes, so this summer was the first. It is often seen that when people loose someone they have loved for a long time they grieve for a year. The sorrow and longing will of course always be there, but it is the special days, the seasons, the traditions one has to go through for the first time without the other that is extra hard. The first Christmas. The first Birthday. The first summer holiday etc. Perhaps it's a little like that with chronic illness. The first year is the hardest. Then one has experienced the various situations. I still grieve, so my year is probably not gone yet. I don't know if I am strong enough to ever being able to handle this.